My goal is to keep you out of court and build your conflict resolution skills. I am offering one tool to do that—for FREE through the end of the year.
DIY Conflict Resolution
Even people who don’t need my legal services are responding to my book, DIY Conflict Resolution.
It’s “DIY”, or do-it-yourself, because I know some of you aren’t going to ask for help when you need it. You have a bunch of chatter in your head about what asking for help means. You think it makes you look weak, and you might even worry that you are weak. You’re not, but you might need to tinker alone first before you let anyone else know what’s going on.
No problem. Do what works for you. But take a shortcut and speed the process. Through the end of the year, go to ebookit.com and enter the discount code AMPLIFY to get the free download, which you can hide in a subfolder on your personal home computer, if you want. There’s nothing wrong with requesting help, and most successful people will tell you about all the people who help them. Yet I get the resistance. I tried to do most things alone too, at first. That’s why I want you to have lots of options to get what you need.
In the book, you will learn how to amplify your listening to yourself and to other people. That’s what I invite you to do.
After a prior video about the process, a follower asked, “Can I use the same process in dealing with, say, a roommate or someone that I live with?” Absolutely, you can!
Make the Seven Choices
In the book, you’ll first see how The 7 Choices help you connect with what’s going on with you around the conflict. One of the first things I invite you to do is to forgive yourself for having a conflict. We all experience conflicts; they’re a natural part of living.
Other choices I invite you to make include:
- Acknowledge yourself for taking any action to resolve a conflict
- Forgive the world for having and creating conflicts
- Free the emotions in a safe manner, regardless of what you feel
- Clear your mind of all thoughts and fears; they’re just things your brain is creating
- Assume you know nothing about anything, so you can listen anew
- Listen with your heart, or your “third ear”
Once you get connected with where you are, you can look more effectively at how to approach that other person. But first, forgive yourself for not having a perfect relationship with no conflict, because no one has one of those.
Choices Lead to Actions
Have new conversations. That’s what we’re going to do this year.
After you make the 7 Choices (which you might have to make several times), you can start looking at actions. The first is to define the conflict very succinctly. I like to use a simple framework:
______ and I disagree about _______.
For example, Elsa and I disagree about whether “Frozen” was a great movie. (I have actually never seen it, but let it go.)
This framework allows you to be very specific about the basis of the conflict. We don’t need to recount the whole history of your relationship, just what is happening right now. Then, we can focus on the very narrow issue and start creating the relationship you want. The book will walk you through the process, and it’s FREE through 12/31/19. Do you see now why I want you to have it?
If you have a conflict that you want me to address in a future video, I invite you to say so in the comments below. Just tell me who you have a conflict with—a roommate, a spouse, a parent, a friend, etc.—and what specifically that conflict is about. Is it about whether you put the dishes away? Is it about politics? I’ll address it in a future video.
Thank you so much, and let’s make this our best month yet!
- Which of the Seven Choices Aren’t You Making?
- Using Your Third Ear to Uncover Implicit Biases
- What is Mediation?
Not sure you can handle a conflict on your own?
Nance L. Schick, Esq. is a New York City-based attorney, mediator, and conflict resolution coach who focuses on keeping people out of court and building their conflict resolution skills. She helps managers and business owners talk about difficult topics, such as gender, race, religion, and disability. In addition to obtaining her law degree and license, Nance was trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA), and International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation (ICERM). She is creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master, and an award-winning entrepreneur, who has been featured in a number of global publications.