Integrity is not about morality, good and bad, right or wrong. This profound insight emerged during the Integrity Seminar I participated in at Landmark Worldwide, an organization dedicated to personal development and transformation. I took the seminar several years ago, but the insights are timeless and worth repeating.
The Seminar in a Nutshell
Integrity is an exploration of our word:
- Where we give it
- Where we withhold it
- Why we sometimes give it no meaning
- How we give it tremendous value at other times
Our word gives us direction and calls us into action when we don’t know where to go. It challenges our trust in ourselves and God, the universe, and a grand order or design. Creating a blank canvas for us, on it we can paint a masterpiece, garbage, or nothing at all.
People will have their opinions, interpretations, and discussions about it the canvas, regardless of what we choose. Or maybe they will not notice and say nothing at all, leaving us with nothing but what we say about it. We must choose wisely what impact we want to make.
Our Hidden Impact on Each Other
It often seems easier to dismiss the fact that our actions affect others in subtle ways. This can feel like overwhelming responsibility, so we try to ignore it, as if that will make it go away. Yet, when the shoe is on the other foot and we think we are being dismissed, we:
- Fill in knowledge gaps with the first ideas that come to use
- Jump to typically negative conclusions
- Become resigned about people’s motives
This behavior sets us up for failure in relationships, leaving both parties in weaker positions than they could be. We need to be more mindful and courageous, directly asking others about their experiences with us and how we can work better together. Otherwise, we end up solving the wrong problems or creating new ones.
Broken Promises
In the Integrity Seminar, I confronted my broken promises to others and myself. Until then, I assumed they didn’t matter much because no one mentioned them. That assumption proved misleading and damaging. When I failed to follow through on reading the business plan my sister wrote for her class, she stopped trusting me. Despite an apology and several actions to make amends, she still holds a grudge that has compounded over the years leading up to our mother’s death. There is obviously more to the story, but I have chosen to love her from afar for now, while we sort it out.
Usually easier to resolve than a lifetime of unresolved family conflicts are the broken promises in our professional lives:
- Joining committees on which we don’t say or contribute much
- Starting optional projects we don’t complete because of flexible deadlines and other priorities
- Saying “We should get together” without actually setting a date and meeting up
When I started cleaning up those messes and making amends, my confidence increased and relationships all around me improved. However, some did not. This was disappointing at first. Later, I remembered that not everyone will be close to us and part of each phase of our journey. Integrity is also about workability, and it doesn’t work to force what isn’t happening. It requires trust as much as courage.
Applying Insights to Your Professional Life
As licensed professionals, our clients are looking to us for leadership. When we lapse, we must restore our integrity on an ongoing basis with:
- Transparent Communication. We must be intentional with our words. When dealing with clients, colleagues, or other stakeholders, we must model open and honest communication, even when it is difficult. Avoiding assumptions and being clear about commitments, we can use the power of a positive no and keep doors open for more compatible opportunities.
- Self-Reflection. Being honest with ourselves about our own human tendencies, we must regularly assess our integrity. When we identify promises we haven’t kept, regardless of how small, we must give complete apologies and restore our integrity so others can trust our word again. Likewise, we must keep our promises to ourselves.