My colleagues and I often discuss our challenges in finding the “model” employees for our businesses. Whether it’s a client who has a disgruntled worker who frequently files claims to extend her vacation time, a vendor whose employees don’t consistently show up for work, or a friend who is so good to his team that he makes their lunches and feels like he is working for them, we long for the people who show up on time, complete error-free work before the deadlines, assist their teammates simply because its the right action to take toward a goal, and so on. Yet it seems we rarely hire those employees. Could it be us, not them?
Yes.
Everywhere you go, there you are. You are the common denominator, just as I am the common denominator in my human resources challenges. Why do you think I have a list of Seven Choices I need to be reminded to make?
- Forgive yourself for having conflicts
- Acknowledge yourself for taking any action to resolve your conflicts
- Forgive the world for having conflicts
- Free the emotions
- Clear your mind
- If you must make an assumption, assume you know nothing about anything
- Listen with your third ear
Remember how we all experience conflict? Unfortunately, we create some of it, too, often with expectations that we don’t communicate. Of course, that doesn’t keep us from having them and wanting them to be fulfilled!
Are you ready to let that go and create some new results?
- Don’t expect your candidates to be as proficient as you presume they are in all areas listed on their resumes or LinkedIn profiles. People exaggerate, and puffery is an accepted practice in many professions and industries. Yet people also have different views on what is considered proficient. Sometimes it varies, based on the context in which a skill is used. To determine whether a prospect’s attention to detail, for example, applies to written, spoken, or special tasks, ask them questions specific to he work they will be doing for you and consider giving them tests* so you can determine a starting point for their training.
- Don’t expect even the most impressive new hires to be productive immediately. People and agencies will overestimate or oversell skills, make assumptions about your operations, and underestimate the time it will take for workers to effectively complete tasks on an ongoing basis. You will make your own assumptions, too. Plan for at least a 30-day adjustment period for a person working 40 hours per week and a three-month period for someone working 10 hours per week.
- Don’t expect your workers to be as committed as you are to great work (defined by you), your business, your Core Values, or even themselves. You will need to consistently exhibit and reinforce he behaviors and characteristics you want to see, and you will have to quickly confront and eliminate those that pollute your workplace. This includes when the undesired behavior is your own. You must continuously delve into your ever-changing self to be the most effective leader you are capable of becoming. This will invite and encourage others around you to do the same.
If you aren’t sure where to begin your journey of self-discovery and mastery, I invite you to purchase my book, DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master. In it, you will learn how to incorporate The Seven Choices above into (most of) your daily (re)actions, which will give you power over your conflicts. You will also have opportunities to practice taking The Five Actions to get new results in your life. For a deeper dive, there is a list of Resources I have personally used to increase my conflict resolution proficiency, and I’ve included more than 50 practice exercises–so you can give up the excuse of not knowing where to start!
You can do this. You are more powerful than you imagine in your wildest dreams.
If you get stuck or confronted and want to quit, please reach out for coaching.
Nance L. Schick, Esq. is a New York City attorney and mediator who focuses on keeping people out of court and building their conflict resolution skills, especially in business and employment disputes. Her holistic, integrative approach to conflict resolution draws from her experience as a crime victim, human resources supervisor, minor league sports agent, and United Nations representative. She is a 2001 graduate of the State University of New York Buffalo Law School trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA), and International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation (ICERM). She is also creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master, and an award-winning entrepreneur, who has been acknowledged by the New York Economic Development Corporation/B-Labs (Finalist, Best for NYC 2015 & 2016), U.S. Chamber of Commerce (2015 Blue Ribbon Small Business), Enterprising Women Magazine (Honorable Mention, 2014 Woman of the Year awards), and Urban Rebound NY/Count Me In (Finalist, 2013 Pitch Competition).