One of the best ways to test the effectiveness of an exercise is to do it yourself. Hippocrates practiced medicine on himself. Great personal trainers actually do the workouts they ask their clients to do. It’s a no-brainer that we choose the pulmonologist who doesn’t smoke, the cardiologist who exercises 30 minutes per day, and the dentist with the dashing smile.
Thus, when my colleague suggested that I share my responses to the exercises in my DIY Conflict Resolution book, I accepted the challenge. Let me show you how I create my great life.
Chapter One Exercises: Does the Third Ear Conflict Resolution program work?
In Chapter One, I introduce you to Jan Rap, Omuk, and the Seven Choices. Jan Rap has self-conflicts that manifest as weight gain and poor self-image (which exacerbate other conflicts, too). Omuk has a conflict with a business partner. The Seven Choices open their minds to perspectives and resources they didn’t consider because they didn’t know about them, had forgotten about them, or formed preconceived beliefs about them.
Here’s how I continue to break free from my own mental constraints.
Effectiveness is the capability of producing a desired result.
The Areas of My Life in Which I’m Effective include:
- Living. I’m not dead yet!
- Writing in English (most of the time). I am doing this now, and I think my sentence structure, spelling, and grammar are fairly easy to understand.
- Loving. I give people independence and security so they have space to create the best versions of themselves. Not everyone agrees that this free and unconditional way of being is “real love”, but it’s the most authentic love I know.
- Laughing. I might be so good at this that it arises at times when others deem it inappropriate.
The qualities I have that make me effective in these areas are:
- Athleticism
- Discipline
- Education
- Good health
- Health consciousness
- Reading comprehension
- Reading experience
- Silliness
- Training
The qualities I have that decrease my effectiveness include:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of upsetting others
- History of abuse and neglect
- Impatience
- Inexperience generating wealth
- Resistance to help
- Self-sabotage
(Notice that some of these could arguably be experiences or behaviors, instead of characteristics. Don’t get caught up in the semantics. You’re not being graded. Allow the insight.)
Yes, I am loving, patient, diligent, educated, and a lot of other things (e.g., white, female, American, Kentuckian-turned-New-Yorker, licensed, loved, supported)–often. Go, Me!
Yes. I am anxious, impatient, lazy, self-absorbed, etc. (e.g., judgmental, angry, harsh, punishing)–at times. Ouch! I don’t like that person as much, and I have sometimes tried to pretend she doesn’t exist. She does. I’m human. Like you.
I could spend a lot of time making myself wrong for being human. Trust me. I’ve done this for years. Instead, I choose to focus on more productive actions:
- I will invite my assistant, Tyler, to participate in these exercises, since he expressed interest in sharing his responses, too.
- I will invite my colleague, Rande, to participate, as she was the one who suggested I do my own program for deeper insight into its effectiveness and myself.
- I will continue to work with my coach to become a world-class conflict resolution professional.
- I will let you know in future posts how these actions go.
In the meantime, what actions are you willing to take toward mastering what is important to you?
Let us know
Have a conflict keeping you up at night? Tell me more
Nance L. Schick, Esq. is a New York City attorney and mediator who focuses on keeping people out of court and building their conflict resolution skills, especially in business and employment disputes. Her holistic, integrative approach to conflict resolution draws from her experience as a crime victim, human resources supervisor, minor league sports agent, plaintiff, and trial attorney. She is a 2001 graduate of the State University of New York Buffalo Law School trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). She is also creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master, and an award-winning entrepreneur, who has been acknowledged by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce (2015 Blue Ribbon Small Business), Enterprising Women Magazine (Honorable Mention, 2014 Woman of the Year awards), and Urban Rebound NY/Count Me In (Finalist, 2013 Pitch Competition).