Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) is the perfect time to review Third Ear Conflict Resolution Founder Nance L. Schick’s contribution to a past Pure Wow article about coerced consent. Framed as an inquiry into what to do if a partner doesn’t want to have sex, Nance encouraged Writer Sarah Ashley to include a discussion of sexual assault in the article.
Click here to read the full article and learn more about:
- Why this conflict isn’t resolved by convincing the partner to have more sex
- Asking questions, but paying attention to your intent
- The nature of building true intimacy
Nance’s contribution to the article was from a more personal perspective, but it is still relevant today and has proven helpful for several clients navigating sexual assault and harassment complaints in their workplaces.
Why Employers Need to Understand Consent
As an employer or managers of employee, you must understand coerced versus affirmative consent for at least two reasons:
- Lack of consent in relationships among employees can lead to sexual misconduct complaints.
- Sexual assault survivors can have unexpected responses to disrespected boundaries.
Trauma-informed managers recognize this and are continuously fostering a culture of mutual respect and empathy among all employees, including managers and executives.
Watch for Abuses of Power
In the workplace, a manager’s job is to persuade employees to perform certain duties. Sometimes, people in positions of authority use their skills inappropriately to coerce employees into sexual acts. Employers must ensure that the people they place in supervisory roles know and respect professional boundaries:
- Conduct background checks after a conditional employment offer has been made.
- When possible, contact former co-workers as well as professional references.
- Use the KARR Method of sexual harassment prevention training:
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- Deliver the Knowledge
- Help managers Apply that knowledge
- Reinforce the behavior you need to see
- Resolve conflicts promptly and completely
Consent is Mandatory
Amidst the delicate balance of desires and boundaries in intimate relationships, one fundamental principle stands firm: consent. Too often discussions of partners who don’t want “intimacy” revolve around changing those partners’ minds. TV shows and movies reinforce these approaches, making sex a game that must be won, even at the expense of another human being’s bodily autonomy. These are dangerous messages that can lead to:
- Stalking
- Sexual assault
- Other forms of sexual harassment
The Goal Is Not to “Win” Consent
When another human does not want sex, intimacy, help, dessert, or a cup of tea, respect their position. Ask more questions with the intent to understand, not simply to find a way around the no. That is not listening; it’s manipulation. Even if you gain consent after coercion, it is not affirmative consent. If the coerced consent was to a sexual act, you might commit sexual assault and be subject to criminal prosecution.
Back to Work
Within the professional realm, the intersection of personal relationships and workplace dynamics can give rise to complex challenges regarding consent and boundaries. Whether it’s navigating romantic relationships among coworkers or supporting individuals who have experienced sexual assault, understanding and addressing these issues are essential for fostering a safe and respectful work environment.
“We must recognize that effective relationships, whether personal or professional, require a foundation of mutual respect and consent,” Nance emphasizes. Rather than overlooking the importance of boundaries in professional settings, she advocates for proactive measures to promote a culture of respect and accountability:
- Open dialogue
- Clear policies
- Consistent enforcement
- Fair and impartial investigations
- Ongoing support