Growing up poor in Kentucky, I was the youngest of three daughters raised by a single mother who managed to support us on about $70 a week. Despite our financial struggles, my mother instilled in me the importance of education in success journeys. She didn’t know how we would pay for college, but she was determined that I would get there. Hoping I would secure a more secure financial future with a college degree, she encouraged me to:
- Get involved in school activities
- Play sports
- Earn good grades
- Stay out of trouble
Despite enduring emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, I did a relatively good job with this. Around age 12, I discovered that the more I was involved in, the less opportunities my abuser had to harm me. This strategy also helped me do what I needed to get into college. However, it didn’t help me build the skills to resolve conflicts when they did arise.
Overcoming Obstacles
When I finally made it to the University of Kentucky School of Architecture, life threw more challenges my way. I had a roommate who unlawfully moved her boyfriend into our apartment, changed the locks, and locked me out. This was not what I expected the path to success to look like.
Back home, my sister lost her job and was struggling to care for my nephew. Feeling guilty for being away and pursuing my own dreams, I moved back to Louisville, where there was no architecture program. I bounced around in various fields of study, until an advisor recommended that I consider merging my interests in the Sports Administration program.
Soon after I moved home, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She beat it three times, but her many hospitalizations, treatments, and surgeries took their toll on all of us. I juggled multiple jobs and caregiver roles while I was in school, and I was overwhelmed. When I discovered my abuser was now targeting my nephew, I attempted suicide. That put me on a path to healing and breaking the cycles of abuse in our family.
With so much going on at home, it took me six years to finish my undergraduate degree, and many employers held this against me. This experience is not uncommon for many students, especially those at commuter and state schools. Opportunities are withheld from us because we didn’t go to Ivy League schools or graduate top of our classes. Decision-makers overlook our:
- Resilience
- Organizational skills
- Troubleshooting abilities
Discovering My Passion
My first taste of law came while working at United Parcel Service (UPS). Starting as an International Document Auditor and package handler on the assembly line, I was exposed to the vastness of the world and the myriad of opportunities it held. I was promoted to Operations Supervisor and found myself often dealing with employees who were on the verge of being fired. However, I was able to help them improve their performance and retain their jobs. This experience led me to a transfer to the Human Resources department, where I learned about employment laws and conflict resolution. But I was getting my degree in Sports Administration, so I left UPS thinking I was wasting my degree if I stayed.
A Change in Direction
After a few years in the sports industry, I was unfairly terminated from a job. I sued my employer, won the lawsuit, and decided to pursue law school ahead of schedule. When I moved to Texas for that job, I had planned to attend school in the off seasons. Life clearly had other plans for me. I ended up learning civil procedure in both the courtroom and the classroom simultaneously. Again, adversity made me a little better than I might have planned. I learned about mediation, experienced a lawsuit as a plaintiff, and gained insights beyond books and lectures.
Since then, I have spent many years primarily defending employers, but also helping employees understand their rights and responsibilities. I have seen the shortcomings of the courts from nearly every angle, which is why I now fully focus on keeping parties out of court.
Embracing Diversity
Speaking at Norfolk State University yesterday, I was reminded of the privileges I have because of my skin color. NSU is a historically Black university, or a HBCU. Despite additional challenges caused by institutional racism outside NSU, its students often graduate in six years, like I did with my privilege. I tried to remind the students of the wealth of opportunities still available to them. As one of the other speakers said, “Life is not fair, but sometimes the unfairness will fall in your favor.”
Preparing for the Global Business Community
Yesterday’s talk was given in the context of an etiquette luncheon, where we learned about:
- Different place settings
- What and when to eat
- Topics to avoid
- Why there are so many utensils
One key takeaway was the importance of considering others before ourselves, such as passing the salad dressing to the person on our right before serving ourselves. These little nuances shape who we are and how we interact with the world. In today’s global business community, students will need skills to navigate any space, from formal business dinners to meetings with business leaders from countries with different customs. This was a fun way for all of us to improve our skills.
Conclusion
Remember, no matter where you come from or what obstacles you face, you have the power to create a successful future for yourself. Shape who you are in a way that you want to be, regardless of what life throws your way. And, of course, keep listening with your third ear for those hurts you can heal on your success journey.
Need to develop your resilience?
Unlocking Success: Harnessing Your Mind to Attain Your Goals