Not surprisingly, we don’t like to talk about race. It’s an uncomfortable topic fraught with tension that many people prefer to avoid. Yet, it’s precisely because of this avoidance that our ability to engage in meaningful dialogue about race is often stunted. The fear of causing offense, or being offended ourselves, looms large, casting a shadow over our willingness to confront this complex issue head-on.
Growth is Uncomfortable
Reflecting on my own journey, I am reminded of a poignant moment on Martin Luther King Day in 2019. I expected messages of unity and reconciliation—themes synonymous with Dr. King’s legacy. I wanted and needed those messages. However, what I encountered was a stark reminder of the deep-seated divisions that continue to plague our society.
No One’s Comfort is Guaranteed
The MLK holiday holds personal significance for me. On the night before the holiday in 2014, I was violently assaulted on my way home from a peacemaking workshop. My assailant was a 14-year-old boy of color whose Facebook page suggested he wanted to be seen as a tough guy who had access to a lot of money, sex, and marijuana. The police and prosecutors suspected he targeted me because I was female, if not also because I am white. I had to choose between succumbing to those suspicions and prejudices or rise above them with empathy and understanding.
Opting for the latter, I refused to allow one individual’s actions to taint my perceptions of an entire community.
Persist and Resist
In my work as a diversity trainer, I often find myself grappling with conflicting emotions. Confronted with expressions of anger and resentment directed towards individuals of my racial background, I can become fearful or defensive. Yet I can also relate to the pain of exclusion from groups that are important to me. These experiences transcend racial divides, providing common ground on which we can host meaningful dialogue and collective action. That is where I focus.
Choose to Be Uncomfortable
Even if we can’t fully eliminate racism, there are actions we can take toward that goal. We must not shirk our duties to create something better, solely because perfection is unlikely. Keep listening with your third ear for the hurts you can heal, and heal what you can. Making the seven choices from my book, DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of the Masters, might also help us navigate racial tensions with grace and compassion:
- Forgive yourself for having racial conflicts.
- Acknowledge yourself for taking steps towards resolution.
- Forgive the world for perpetuating racial conflicts.
- Allow yourself to experience and process emotions, including those stemming from racial experiences.
- Clear your mind of preconceived notions and biases.
- Approach interactions with humility, recognizing the limits of your own understanding.
- Listen with empathy and compassion, engaging not only with your ears but with your heart.
The Discomfort Won’t Last Forever
By embracing discomfort and leaning into difficult conversations about race, we pave the way for healing and reconciliation. Each interaction, no matter how small, has the potential to foster understanding and promote positive change. As we continue on this journey, let us remain steadfast in our commitment to creating a more just and equitable society for all.
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