In the business world, it’s natural to compare yourself to others. Business schools, athletics coaches, and even parents often encourage you to “know your competition.” However, I have yet to hear anyone adequately define my competitors. Are they other employment attorneys and mediators in New York? Do they target the same potential clients? What skills, experience, and tools do they use?
If a client is not a great fit for Third Ear Conflict Resolution, is another firm really competing with me for that client?
Embrace Your Uniqueness
Chances are, no one runs their business or serves clients precisely the way you do. Other organizations in your profession might get close to replicating you, but they will always fall short in some way. There is only one you, and you probably couldn’t serve all potential clients, even if you wanted to. It’s time to stop trying to dominate industries and people.
I wrote my first book, DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master, in part to challenge this way of thinking. If you’re struggling in your business, you might be thinking about it the wrong way and trying to solve the wrong problems.
The Seven Choices
Before you can have a productive conversation with someone you feel in conflict with, these seven choices will help you understand your own thoughts and feelings about the situation. This can clear several distractions so you can focus on the real problems that need to be solved.
- Forgive Yourself. Every entrepreneur has conflicts throughout their business’ life cycle. In that way, you are not unique. You’re just facing a challenge that is.
- Acknowledge Yourself. Only about 16% of Americans are entrepreneurs. You chose the road less taken and you’re still taking action to resolve the conflicts in your way.
- Forgive the World. Conflict and friction cause growth. Adopt the mantra, “This is happening for me, not to me.”
- Free the Emotions. Running a business is stressful and will trigger some of your biggest insecurities. You will need to learn ways to work through upsets without making them worse or causing new ones.
- Clear Your Mind. You will not be able to see the full range of possible solutions if you have already decided you have or should have one.
- Assume Nothing. Enter any discussions about the conflict as if you are hearing about it for the first time.
- Listen with Your Third Ear. Pay attention to what people complain about or can’t let go of. Where there’s drama, there’s trauma, and you might be able to heal some of it.
Case Study: Friends Operating Franchises Close to Each Other
Several years ago, “Trixie” bought a franchise in the same business as her friend, “Luna.” Trixie was concerned because they had different approaches to their operations. She was very methodical, and her default personality style was dominant. Luna, on the other hand, defaulted to a supportive style that won her clients quickly.
The Five Actions
- Define the Conflict Succinctly. Trixie disagreed with Luna about the correct way to run a franchise in this business.
- Identify the Conflicting Interests. Unaware at the time that her dominant personality style would take over when she was stressed, Trixie couldn’t see she was trying to run both businesses, even the one she didn’t own. She thought she and Luna were more alike, and she expected them to grow closer. Instead, she was now fearing their friendship was built on lies and misunderstandings. She needed reassurance and wanted both of them to succeed. So did Luna, and she was surprised to learn that Trixie was doubting this.
- Play with the Possibilities for Resolution. Both of them said that if they could have this conflict resolve in any way possible, they would each have enough clients to be profitable. Instead of fearing their personality differences, they began to discuss how they could each uniquely serve specific clients.
- Create a New Future. Trixie and Luna agreed to refer clients to each other when they were better fits in terms of geography, skills, experience, and focus. They soon discovered there was plenty of business to go around.
- Stay on PARR (Plan, Act, Revise, Repeat). Once Trixie stopped focusing on Luna’s business, she saw that she didn’t really have a plan for hers. As she went through the franchise materials, made her plan, took a few actions, revised her plan, and repeated several steps, she realized this wasn’t what she wanted. Luna absorbed Trixie’s territory and expanded her franchise. Although they now live in different states thousands of miles apart, they are still friends.
Trust Yourself
It’s good to know where others are and what is working for them. However, focusing too much on competition and not enough on your own business value is a recipe for failure.