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Choice One: Forgive Yourself–Including for Your Thoughts

Nance Schick · Apr 22, 2024 ·

Many of us find it easier to forgive others than ourselves. This comes up frequently when I teach certain continuing education courses, such as Setting Clear Goals and Performance Expectations for Your Employees. We delve into crucial topics like:

  • Sexual harassment
  • Implicit or hidden bias
  • Diversity and inclusion

Licensed professionals managing their own businesses, the attendees are typically curious about current events and how to navigate them. Sometimes asking questions clumsily, they seek clarity to set clear boundaries and navigate ethical dilemmas, which is exactly what I want them to do. This not only helps keep them out of court; it also makes the world a slightly better place. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.


Photo of person giving a self-hug


Frequently-Asked Questions About DEI

Unlike their younger colleagues, many professionals in leadership positions today were taught not to discuss issues like race, gender, and mental health at work. They are still learning to navigate diversity, equity, and inclusion, but that doesn’t mean they are disinterested in learning. Here are some frequently-asked questions from those sessions, as well as my typical responses.


Can humor still have a place in the workplace?

Humor is welcome, but it must be tasteful and inclusive. Jokes reinforcing stereotypes risk damaging workplace morale. That’s why your employer can’t allow them. They can also get your employer sued, which is why you could get fired. Managers don’t want to make the choice between you and the employer, but they will if necessary to protect their own jobs, your co-workers, and the business. That was the agreement when they were hired. It was also yours.


Where do we draw the line on protected classes?

Currently, employees in New York State (NYS) are protected from employment discrimination based on:

  • Race, color, religion, sex, and national origin
  • Age 40 years or older
  • Qualified individuals with disabilities
  • Genetic information
  • Sexual orientation or identity
  • Military, marital, familial, or domestic violence victim status
  • Prior arrest or conviction record
  • Credit history
  • Hairstyle

It’s a lot simpler to focus on the objective criteria to perform the essential functions of jobs than to figure out who you can and cannot favor. This is better for business, too.


Is there a hierarchy of protected classes?

The short answer is no. However, because employers are getting this wrong, even with the best intentions, I am teaching a new course on this in June. The live broadcast will be recorded and available for attorneys on demand for their continuing legal education (CLE) credit. I can adapt the program for other professions and workplaces.


Photo of person cupping a mug with both hands while sitting with a journal in a peaceful setting


Conclusion

Implicit biases are universal. Despite my extensive training and experience, I am also sometimes confronted with hidden biases. Some are deep-rooted. Others are new ones picked up from current environments. Rather than resorting to self-blame, I advocate for a proactive approach, much like I discussed in my 2018 American Bar Association webinar:

  1. Identify Social Identities. Recognize the labels we assign ourselves and how they shape our interactions.
  2. Evaluate Influence. Assess how these identities impact our perceptions and behaviors.
  3. Embrace Diversity. Confront discomfort by engaging with diverse perspectives and experiences.

Reprogramming ingrained biases is a gradual process. It requires forgiveness and patience. As I navigate my own journey, I acknowledge the decades of conditioning I must overcome, as well as my susceptibility to new influences. Fortunately, I am aware of this and can dismiss most harmful thoughts without acting on them.


A Call to Action

Forgiving ourselves for our thoughts is a pivotal step toward personal growth and fostering inclusivity in our professional spheres. What thoughts are you granting yourself forgiveness for today?


Need more practice?

Buy the book


Confronting Your Own Racism*

Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, DIY Conflict Resolution for Professionals, Workplace Dispute Resolution holistic lawyers, implicit bias, thriving at work

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The Seven Choices

Forgive Yourself Acknowledge Yourself Forgive the World Free the Emotions Clear Your Mind Assume Nothing Listen with Your Heart

The Five Actions

Define the Conflict Identify the Interests Play with the Possibilities Create the Future Stay on PARR

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