April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). Let’s talk about acquaintance rape and why it’s crucial to help your employees protect themselves from it just as diligently as from attacks by strangers.
Sexual Assault Statistics
Did you know that more than 50% of all sexual assault incidents reported took place within a mile of the victim’s home? Forty percent occur in the victim’s home. Thirty-nine percent were perpetrated by acquaintances of the victim. Another 33% were committed by former spouses or partners. These alarming statistics show that acquaintance rape is a significant threat to your employees’ safety and well-being.
A Sexual Assault in My Home
Many people still have inaccurate visions of what a rape will look like. They think it will only happen to people in high crime neighborhoods when they are alone at night. Uninformed people sheltered from the realities of sex crimes assume the perpetrators will be lower-class, poor, drug-addicted, or otherwise recognizable. This can be a form of victim-blaming. It’s also inaccurate and dangerously misleading. RAINN estimates that 50% of perpetrators are age 30 or older, and 57% of them are white.
There are also a lot of mistaken assumptions about who victims are. Even as a lawyer, I was raped and sodomized by a man I knew. Consistent with RAINN’s statistics, he was a white, college-educated professional over 30 with a good job, two nice homes, and a fiancee. We had dated briefly nearly seven years prior, but we decided we were better off as friends. Our relationship became more professional, and it seemed we were both happier with it.
On the night of the sexual assault, he had been drinking heavily with his groomsmen after viewing several venues for his wedding. I met up with them at a restaurant a couple of blocks from my apartment. His friends were concerned they would not be able to get him on a train home, so I agreed to let him sleep on my sofa. Trying to be a good friend, I ignored my internal response to their request. It was clear he had passed the point of making good judgments hours before, but I assumed he would pass out quickly and sleep it all off. He did not. There are still parts of that night I mentally block out, much as I did to survive the assault.
Recognize How Trauma Might Show Up at Work
As an employment attorney and mediator, as well as a Title IX investigator, I have seen the devastating effects of sexual assault and harassment in the workplace. Reliable employees begin missing work or making more errors. They withdraw from team-building activities like lunches with co-workers, and they stop asserting themselves in meetings. It might seem they have stopped caring about their work because they have little mental energy to lend to anything outside their trauma. Or maybe the sexual assault has the opposite effect and they bury themselves in their work so they don’t have to deal with the loss of self they feel. Either way, your support can help them heal, but you need to tread lightly and with the guidance of an employment attorney.
Have an employee recovering from sexual assault?
Trauma-Informed Management
There are five principles that most trauma-informed professionals follow when providing their services. These principles acknowledge the needs of the victims. After an employee discloses a trauma to you:
- Assure them they are physically and emotionally safe. Remind them that you will only share information to the extent necessary, such as to accommodate any adjustments in work schedule or assignments. Also understand that what a victim needs to feel safe might not be intuitive. Take the time to figure out what will be most effective for this employee under the current circumstances and check in regularly to ensure any accommodations made are effective.
- Exhibit consistency and trustworthiness. Some victims trust too easily. Others won’t trust at all. Be mindful of this and make sure you are a person whose word can be trusted. Even small acts of respect and integrity can make a big difference.
- Give the employee as much choice and control as possible. Don’t assume you know what the victim needs because you’ve worked with many in similar situations or have experienced something similar. The victim already feels like control was seized. Involving them in as many choices as possible regarding their work.
- Be a collaborative partner. See the victim as a strong capable person going through a difficult challenge, not as someone weak who needs to be taken care of. Listen for the hurts you can heal, but don’t feel like you have to take them all on.
- Empower their success. Give the victim resources and support to take the chosen actions to accommodate any work restrictions. Hold them accountable for doing their work, firmly yet gently.