It’s a strange feeling to be a textbook case of anything. Since being profiled in Dr. Jan Yager’s book, Essentials of Victimology, I have joked about being a textbook case of repeat victimization. Humor is one of my coping mechanisms. Trauma-informed service providers understand this.
You will see in Jan’s book that I am featured in a chapter on property crimes, not in the discussion of polyvictimization. That was easier for her students (and me) to digest. There’s not as much benefit to a textbook primarily about one victim, and there are several crimes I have fortunately not been subjected to.
What Is Polyvictimization?
According to the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, “[p]olyvictimization refers to the experience of multiple types of victimization such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, bullying, and exposure to family violence versus multiple episodes of the same kind of victimization.” One in four children will experience some sort of trauma or victimization before their 16th birthday, and it can have a profound impact on their lives well into their adult years.
How My Victimization Began
It started with a absentee dad. His absence didn’t affect me as much as it affected my sisters because I was only 18 months old when he left. I have no memory of him in the house with us, unlike my sisters. One even has a variation of his name. The other continues to blame me for him leaving, even to this day. The pain of my father’s absence led her to abuse me physically and emotionally at first. Later, I was sexually abused by one of her friends. That started a chain of victimization outside the family.
Change Began with Awareness
Transfer to a new school introduced me to the person who is still my best friend more than 40 years later. Her family was the first to show me that substance abuse and household drama weren’t in every family. There were other, more effective structures.
In high school, my closest friend’s parents were social workers. That was when I really started to see the dysfunction in my own family.
But it took a suicide attempt as a young adult to get me in the counseling that I needed to change my trajectory. By then, I had been sexually abused by a teenager and multiple young men. I was working and drinking to numb myself and get through each day. I did everything I could to avoid being fully present in my life and with my family.
After I realized my insulation from the abuse opened someone else to it, I tried to escape through death. Life became too much to bear.
Psychological counseling was required for my release from the hospital, so I went. I took my skepticism.
“Go ahead. Heal me,” I challenged my therapist. She did, or at least she healed many of my past traumas.
I still put myself in harm’s way a few more times before I realized that wasn’t all that was meant for me or my life. Sometimes, I put myself back in therapy.
How I Broke the Cycle
I won’t lie or give you false hope. The journey was long and sometimes very difficult. At times, I thought about quitting again. It seemed like if I wasn’t being abused in a personal relationship, I was working for an abusive employer or had abusive clients. I didn’t know how to stop attracting those people or accepting this as my fate. Landmark Worldwide helped me do that, which was why it was such a big test of my faith and transformation to be violently assaulted on my way home from there in 2014. (The assault is detailed in a chapter of my book, if you want to read more about it.)
We believe the perpetrator intended to rob me. He was eventually convicted of second-degree robbery because of the serious injuries he caused me. The police officer investigating my case was from Louisville (my hometown) and referred me to the Crime Victims Treatment Center for counseling. I agreed to go because I could see as early as the morning after the assault that I was not coping well. My partner and I couldn’t even form words or look at each other. Everything I had worked so hard to build was at risk of collapse.
I still remember the shock I felt when completing the intake sheet, which directed me to check off all the crimes I had experienced. There were the obvious crimes: assault and robbery. But I hadn’t expected to discuss the prior sexual assaults, thefts, and vicarious trauma caused by being in New York City on 9/11. Polyvictimization? WTF? How had this been my life? I am still unpacking some of it, and new clutter sometimes piles up. Yet I have processes to work through them and a strong support system to help me.
How I Ended Up in the Victimology Book
Dr. Jan Yager and I met through Help a Reporter Out. She had posted a request to interview crime victims. I responded, and we became fast friends. We could relate to each other’s trauma, although it had been caused by different experiences and manifested differently in each of us at different times. That’s the thing about trauma–or maybe being human generally–not everything follows a logical path.
Since that first interview with Jan, I have shared my story with many criminal justice students. Many of them chose their fields of study to do something about their own trauma. They don’t always realize the impact those traumas have had on them or how to recognize trauma in other people. We’re all still learning how to do this, but there is new research being published regularly and new tools available, including a book for lawyers that I am featured in.
The journey is worth it. Keep going. And ask for help if you need it. There’s no shame in collaborating with others on the project of you. As you heal, you’ll have more energy and resources to give back.
How to Provide Trauma-Informed Services
There are five principles that most trauma-informed professionals follow when providing their services. These principles acknowledge the needs of the victims:
- Physical and emotional safety. This need is obvious, but what a victim needs to feel safe might not be as intuitive. A hug or a toy could be triggering. Laughter could be the only release the victim feels she can use. He might need to get himself together before he considers whether to file charges. They might be afraid of what will happen to the perpetrator, especially if someone they know committed the crime. Take the time to figure out what will be most effective with each individual.
- Trustworthiness. Some victims trust too easily. Others won’t trust at all. Be mindful of this and make sure you are a person whose word can be trusted. Even small acts of respect and integrity can make a big difference.
- Choice and control. Don’t assume you know what the victim needs because you’ve worked with many in similar situations or have experienced something similar. The victim already feels like control was seized. Give it back by involving them in as many choices as possible.
- Collaboration and partnership. See the victim as a strong capable person going through a difficult challenge, not as someone weak who needs to be taken care of. Partner with her on decision-making.
- Empowerment. Give the victim resources and support to take the chosen actions. Hold them accountable, firmly yet gently.
You might notice that these seem to mirror The Seven Choices of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process. I didn’t align them knowingly. It just works. The Third Ear process is backed by science, as well as anecdotal evidence. I developed it because I want you to be free and have a great life. Me, too.