The world doesn’t always give us the starts we would like. It’s important to forgive the world and accept what is, trusting you still have what you need. That can be easier said than done, and many of us take our resentments and disappointment into the workplace, destroying opportunities to move toward the better lives we seek. Employment isn’t the only way to do this, but it’s not a bad place to begin.
A Challenging Start
I was born to parents who owned a failing auto parts business, whether or not my mother knew. She was busy with my two sisters, while my dad sought solace in alcohol and reckless spending. The bills continued to mount and fill the spaces where he hid them. By the time I was 18 months old, the business had closed, and my father had turned to embezzlement from a family member’s business. This lead to his arrest.
I only learned the true story behind my parents’ divorce decades later. Before then, I thought people who embezzled were like the ones on television. They lived in fancy houses and drove new cars. Their closets were full of designer clothes and jewelry, not hand-me-downs and church donations.
Family Trauma
This tumultuous start to my life left its mark on my family. My sisters, older and more aware of the situation, bore the brunt of the emotional turmoil. They sometimes blamed me for our father’s departure, claiming he hadn’t wanted another child and definitely not another daughter. Thinking I could fix the problem by becoming a child he might want, I adopted a tomboy persona and tried not to need much. Even when I was being abused by a family member and after I was raped by that family member’s friend, I blamed myself and said nothing for more than a decade, which only subjected me to more abuse and victimizations.
The Breakdown
I carried all this trauma into my professional life. Modeling what I thought was masculine strength, I was a reliable worker who asked for very little. This left me working multiple jobs at low pay to put myself through school while juggling caregiving responsibilities at home. It was overwhelming at times, and when my abuser targeted another family member, it became too much to bear. I attempted suicide the weekend before I was scheduled to begin a management training program at one of my jobs. That wasn’t an ideal start, either, but it put me on a path of self-development and healing.
The Breakthrough
I continued working multiple jobs and eventually went to law school while also navigating a lawsuit against a prior employer. Learning civil procedure in the courtroom and classroom simultaneously, I graduated, took the bar exam, and interviewed for a job in the New York City area–on 9/11. That was the day I became a forever New Yorker.
I got that job and commuted from Northwestern New Jersey to Long Island every day for the first two months. It took seven hours, round trip, if I made all of the connections. Maybe nothing ever starts the way we think it will.
New Challenges
Later, I went to work at a small litigation firm in the Wall Street District, where I began managing the workers’ compensation practice group–on my second day at the firm and as a licensed attorney. Again, this was not the beginning I expected, but I was trying cases in court within the first two months and was proving to myself and others that I could figure things out.
Then, my aunt died. She was my mother’s last living sibling and substituted for the grandmother I never knew. When I returned from her funeral, my boss bragged to me that he had landed a new client while I was gone. It was the prospect who I had been courting for months. The decision-maker called for me on the day of the funeral, apparently with his decision to retain the firm. My boss’ announcement suggested he had no intention of giving me a dime beyond my salary, despite bringing the firm a substantial amount of business and revenue from my billable hours. I decided life was too short, and I left that job with no plan other than to survive.
I’m still here, so yes, I did survive. In June, I celebrated the 21st anniversary of the firm now known as Third Ear Conflict Resolution.
The Lessons
I’ve learned to forgive the world for its conflicts and trust in my ability to navigate and learn from them. This perspective has not only helped me overcome personal and professional challenges, but it also opened up new opportunities for growth and success.
So, I invite you to reflect on your own journey. Can you forgive the world for your beginnings and see the strength and potential within yourself? Remember, our past does not define us, but it does shape us. By embracing our origins and addressing unresolved trauma, we can unlock new opportunities for professional growth and success.